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Lazy AF Low Carb Turkey Wings!

BEHOLD!  Browned turkey wings in my Foodi! I have a Shark NInja Foodi and PEOPLE … the best of both worlds!  You can air-fry, pressure cook, bake, and roast. I am glad I got this gadget.

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Yes!

I mentioned in an earlier post I am no longer Suzy Homemaker in the kitchen.  When I was married, with a full house (husband and kids to feed) … I was a cooking fool. I even went to Culinary School to hone the skills that I learned from my Grandma and my Mama.  I am now divorced with an adult son who works and a menagerie of pets.  I lost all my kitchen things when I got a divorce, the former husband had moved to his next duty station, and like a fool, I didn’t think ahead to save my kitchen and knife roll, so I had to start my foodie kitchen over again.

Since I am also Broke AF, I didn’t have the motivation to go and buy all of my beautiful tools, so I had to go cheap. Cheap makes a difference in your cooking.  The Ex still has my things, and last I heard he had some young heifer using my tools. Too bad the heifer doesn’t have my talent, so the tools are useless to her.  They like me better anyway. 🙂 My knives are all rusted, and the handles are split from Chucklehead putting them in the dishwasher.

TRAGIC!

Oops! Started a Meno-Moment there, got triggered by the memory of all my gadgets and how they are being mistreated.

This is what you need:

  • Two packages of turkey wings
  • Seasoning (I used Tony Chachere – BOLD)
  • An onion (I used a Vidalia)
  • Celery stalks (I used five since they were skinny)
  • 1 Package of onion soup (for flavor)
  • 1 cup of water/wine/stock

I needed to brown the turkey wings, and since I am just not motivated to stand by the stove browning turkey wings, I have a deep fryer, so I threw them in there. I seasoned the wings really well and put them in the deep fryer for about 10 minutes.  I set the Fryer temp to 365. While the fryer is doing the browning for me, I sliced the onion and celery and threw them in the bottom of the pressure pot. I drained the wings and put them on top of the veggies. Added a packet of onion soup mix and a cup of water.

Set the pressure cooker to Hi (on the Foodi) with 18 minutes.  Once it comes to pressure, let it do its thing. At the end I will let the pressure come down naturally (about 10 minutes) after 10 minutes I will hit the quick release.

That is it!  No cooking for hours in the oven.

I will post a picture of the results.  🙂

Now, to figure out a side.  I’m thinking green beans!

Will be back later …

18 minutes later:

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Falling off the bone and flavorful. Decided on some steamed stirfry veggies. Hope this inspires!

🙂 Need to eat!

Totally worth the money!

If you are interested in getting the Foodi and a cookbook just click on the pictures above and help a Broke Divorcee out! 🙂

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Rocky Mountain Oysters …

 

Ummmm … no.

I understand I am from New Orleans and some of the things that I eat most people get the HUZZZZ.

But I draw the line at Prairie Oysters.  They look like balls, you have to peel them before you can prepare them, and they are bull balls.

Cannot get past the “balls” part.

Let’s add that one to the List of Things I will not eat:

  1. BEANS (I. HATE. A. BEAN.) I get hostile, the texture, the texture, the texture.
  2. Hummus
  3. Beets
  4. Liver
  5. Bull Testicles
  6. ANY BUG (Don’t care how packed with protein they are, it’s a bug … unless its crawfish)

My Yuck List is more extensive, but those are the top six.  I am wondering why I have weight to lose since I have so many “OMG! It’s an ABOMINATION!” foods on my list.

Let’s recap:

Rocky_mountain_oystersfried

Fried looking like a plate of the old bivalve mollusk we all know and love!

The reality! Unpeeled bull testicles and a bonus furry deer nuts (venison testicles).

No, no, no, no, no.

But to each their own … I eat crawfish on purpose.  🙂

75LCF-3

Trying to figure out what to do with some turkey wings I have in the fridge.  They need to be cooked today, but the only way I know is to smother them.

Time for me to work in the lab and create a nice low carb turkey wing dish that also takes little effort. I’m still lazy in the kitchen; getting better but still lazy.

Hot Ones! Gordon Ramsey Episode!

I am absolutely in love with Gordon Ramsey.  🙂 The accent, the talent, the cussing … just rocks my socks!

Here is UK Husband tasting hot wings from Mild to Holy Shit!/WHY?/I-Like-Pain-Not-Food.

It is refreshing to see Gordon as a human and not as a hard ass taskmaster in the kitchen.  You know when the heat is getting to him by the color of his face.

He gives you the perfect burger ingredients and shows how to make the perfect scrambled eggs (sniffing, crying, and coughing the entire time).

Enjoy!

So Emotional!

One word: Menopause.

I am still going through the change right now.  The last five or six years have been horrible.  I go through a period of hot flashes and bitchiness, then I am all weepy.  I am crying from:

  1. Commercials
  2. America’s Got Talent
  3. 90 Day Fiancee
  4. Game Fucking Shows (WHY??) 
  5. Ads that shouldn’t make you cry (AGAIN … WHY?)
  6. The News

I also have mood swings of PMS, but it is worse.  Hot flashes, hungry, MEGA hot flashes, mood swings, cravings.  I’ve lost my waist and seriously think that is not fair.

I have a very low tolerance for human folk, so I am keeping to myself.  Just all around in a pissy mood, so I ate what I consider trash all day.  Chocolate, Chinese food, chips; I’ve been a snacking fool, and none of it tastes good.  I think going through the change has also changed the way I feel about junk food.  I cannot find anything that I really want to eat. Entirely not worth being kicked out of ketosis. Tomorrow will be a fasting day for me, the only thing that seems to hit the spot for me is water and Coke Zero. Just gonna listen to what my body wants and do that all day tomorrow.

Other thoughts:

The Governor with the EXTREMELY inappropriate picture in his college yearbook, yep.

Yesterday he apologized, and today he isn’t sure that was him. He knows damn well that was him and he is probably the one in “blackface.” The Klansman in the picture is probably his date/girlfriend/current wife/friend/jackass with him.  It looks like he was at a costume party.  You remember shit like that, and I think he remembers but now is trying to Jedi mind trick everyone. Why lie? You cannot unring that particular bell, and he really should have known better (and I know he did, just didn’t think it would come back and bite him in the ass).

1985 or not … that shit was still in poor taste/inappropriate/fucked up from the floor up. Just saying, stop lying and take the hits that will continue to come until you leave office.

When did it become okay to lie like a rug these days?  I guess “alternative facts” is a new truth, the truth-truth, not the real truth.  I have gotten so disgusted by everything I have decided that I will watch fluff from now on.  Just cannot take all the intolerance and “alternative facts” being thrown around to suit agendas. Fox News has people on their Network that give me the 1980’s mean girl/jock vibes. Very unpleasant to watch them. AND aren’t they “media” if they are news.  WHY are they referring to other News stations as the “Media”? Jesus, they need to stop with the bullshit.

I’m sitting here binge watching Ghost Adventures rooting for the ghosts and wondering who dresses Zak. 🙂

**OH MY, Zak is trying to choke himself and has this high pitched squealing like a girl. Really dude?  Need to restart this episode because I am totally lost.  They really need to stop dicking around with these EarthBound spirits, they are EarthBound for a reason and for the most part they are sad or dangerous. Not cool. They probably have so many negative attachments with them messing with these Entities. **

Once my ZZZ-Quil kicks in (menopause doesn’t like you to sleep so sometimes you need a little help) I will go and work on my crochet projects.

Lemme see …

I’m just cranky I guess.

Just found a lake of pee from my elderly pug, he managed to pee around his diaper.  I swear that dog is Houdini. 🙂 I can’t be mad at him. He is old and the sweetest pug in the world!

That would be JoJo!  While I’m sharing here is Otis D, Pug:

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Otis D Pug

Rocking the Saints Jersey, looking sad after the Three Blind Refs call.

WE. WERE. ROBBED.

Sleepytime for me, the medicine is kicking in!

Will be fasting tomorrow, need to get back into ketosis.

Later!

 

 

Broke Ass Low Carbing/Lazy AF Low Carbing

If we need to name what it is I am doing that is … ’cause I am both of these things … at the same time. 🙂

I am just not motivated to read another book calling low carb some other name with another spin on eating low carbs and not eating sugar/flour/starchy veggies.

If you stay below 20 grams of carbs you will lose weight because once your carbohydrate stores …

I picture a gingerbread house type place with a bitchy witchy poo sprinkling sugar on everything… with the evil plan of taking my waist and turning up the furnace so I can sweat on every-fucking-thing and making me overly emotional (I was crying over the trainwreck of marriages on 90 Day Fiancee, so beautiful/so dysfunctional! Ahem…lack of carbs I guess or meno-moment) and shaped like Gumby! Sigh …

Sorry, had a Meno-Moment because I did weigh myself this morning …

Back to the Super Sonic Train that is my thought …

… once your carbohydrate stores are depleted then your body will start burning fat for fuel. It just sucks to get to that point. I’ve read you have 2 days of carbohydrates to burn before you enter into fat burning mode. That seems about ight because I know when I am trying to get back to fat burning land I have about two or three days where I want any and everything that is sugar/flour/starch. If they are all three then that is better then all of a sudden I don’t. I guess that is ketosis not to be confused with ketoacidosis which is what happens to diabetics and is very dangerous. It really ticks me off when people confuse the two and claim you are gonna die from not eating bread.

Whatever!

I can say that I will probably die from eating bread while driving home from work. When I overdo the sugar (starch/flour/other bullshit food that’s bad for you) I am literally falling asleep from the sugar crash that is happening while I am in rush hour traffic. So okay, will probably die from not eating some bread to definitely die from the 18 wheeler barrelling into me because it couldn’t stop in time or me just flying off the bridge asleep. Because … sugar, not ketosis!

Ketosis and ketoacidosis are two different things. Please inform and fill yourself up with knowledge instead of bread before you declare death via low carb.

Rambling again, so sorry, have so much to say! (Bi-Meno/Polar-Moment 🙂 )

Broke Ass/Lazy AF Low Carbing is basically a chicken, egg, frozen veggie, salad, hamburger patty diet. I do other things but I don’t have the money to buy all the exotic stuff that people are recommending nor do I have the motivation to look for recipes or cook it. I have been known to eat Vienna Sausages in a pinch. CHECK THE CARB COUNT.

Tuna salad, chicken salad, cheese, eggs, butter, coffee, coconut oil or MCT oil, shrimp, fish, beef, some pork, salads, and veggies (no beets because they are a abomination in my opinion and no corn, peas, or potatoes) NO FAT FREE ANYTHING. They replace the fat with sugar, don’t believe me, check out a full fat item and a low fat item, the low fat is loaded with sugar. Plus you need the fat the keep you full.

Stay your ass away from sugar, starches, flour and drink water. If you MUST drink hard liquor mixed with water, club soda, or diet something (it’s the sugary drinks that get make you drunk faster…35 years of drinking experience here ).

So yeah that is my plan where I tweak it here and there. It works you just have to get past the first couple of days and then the energy will come back along with losing the cravings.

And you will pee. A lot of peeing, with a “I gotta poooooooo!” moment every now and again because of all the vegetables. 🙂

So…

I have procrastinated long enough and really have run my mouth. I have more to talk about because my life is a life of a Menopausal Divorced Woman with two pugs and three cats. I have shit to talk about, for reals!

MY WEIGHT THIS MORNING: 196.0 (without the 15 pound fucking boots) I started this low carb thingy on Tuesday so not bad.

I have to prepare to leave work now, will be back later! I got some crochet things to show y’all and some shit to talk. 🙂

Been Sick!

I’m still here and kicking. I promised I would keep up my writing this year. 🙂

So I decided that it would be great to get really sick with bronchitis, and not the: “oh I hear a rumbling in my chest when I cough” bronchitis, the: “OMG do you have … (the plague? Death? Pneumonia?) Are you dying? OMG stay away from me, you look like shit!” … always followed by “You need to stop smoking!” type of bronchitis.

I was seriously out of the loop with the fatigue, the fever and the cough. It has been about 5 years since I have been really sick like this and always on time I get some really fucked up illness that knocks me on my ass to remind me I am human AND almost 50.

This sabertooth cougar is getting old!

So yeah, sick, missed work, was a cranky bitch for about two weeks but I am back and feel for the most part better. Still coughing up my soul, most people are avoiding me, I’m avoiding most people because LYSOL may kill germs but spraying it on someone with bronchitis is like killing them. I want to cut a Bitch, seriously.

🙂 🙂 🙂

I still nice, just phlegmy.

Anyhoo, you would think I would have a huge WTF weight loss to report! NAH, I’m one of those people that doesn’t have an issue with their appetite. Well it is an issue to me because I don’t lose a damn thing! Just as hearty a appetite as ever so no weight loss. The doctor insisted on weighing me in the middle of the day in full clothes and in goddamn boots so I have my starting weight:

Thursday, January 24th morning: 197 lbs (Shit, gained all my weight back! Curse you Homeowner Fairy!)

Thursday, January 24th doctor office/afternoon/fully clothed with BOOTS: 91 kg/200 lbs and 9 oz. (they really think putting the weight in kilos makes you feel better…IT DON’T! Let me take off my 15 pound boots!)

Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot! When did I gain all that damn weight back? I think it started when I decided that I would buy a damn house. I feel like Florida Evans from Good Times:

DAMN.

DAMN.

DAMN.

I hate going to the doctor wearing heavy shit. I would roll up in there wearing the pedicure flip flops and the paper gown every time so I wouldn’t get a blow to my self esteem. If they are going to put the weight in kilos them DO NOT tell me how much that means in pounds. Let me be delusional and believe that I am a delicate little flower, a whiff of a person and not a fucking linebacker/lumberjack.

Hee hee.

Oh, I went off on a tangent there…sorry.

I guess I have some catching up to do. 🙂 I plan on weighing myself tomorrow because I just kind of fell into low carbing again. I’m not calling it anything fancy other than what it is: LOW CARB. Not gonna keto, eat wild, go paleo, whole 30. No weight loss pills, no weight loss surgery even though I have been told I now qualify for lap band … too many labels, too freaking complicated, too dangerous because I don’t wake up well from anesthesia.

Keeping my carbs under 20 grams for now, staying away from all white processed foods (no sugar,no flour,no starch) Gonna drink water, try to cut back on the coffee/Coke Zero (TRY! No guarantees), get a little more sleep AND look through my beach body on demand and see if there is any exercise that I can do that will not result in me collapsing on the floor imitating a dying starfish. Oh and a instructor that isn’t annoying.

Low carb. I did that, kept it simple, lost 60 pounds in 6 months and kept it off for almost 10 years.

Then menopause and Homeownership happened. 🙂

Gonna be 50, let’s see if I my age makes a difference this time!

This Morning…

… went smoothly getting out of the house. I give credit to the Kon-Mari method of tossing all my non joy sparking crap out. It was good to go into the closet and just pull out something knowing it will fit and it is everything that I like to wear. 🙂 🙂 JOY! People there wasn’t the mad search (usually in vain) for the other shoe/boot/sandal that pulls the outfit together. I mean, I walked into my now walkable walk in closet 🙂

Clothes that can fit with shoes that match! Yay!

Speaking of clothes that fit … I don’t have that many so it’s time to do something about it.

It’s Atkins time folks! 🙂

All the ketogenic stuff that is popular today is what I was doing with Atkins. It was Atkins with a fuck ton of veggies and berries. I should have marketed that and I would be rich today.

🙂 🙂

I didn’t weigh myself this morning so I have no idea what my starting weight is and honestly I am too chicken shit to find out my starting weight. It’s one of those rip off the bandage and move forward type of thing.

Shit. Don’t want to know but need to know so I can measure progress other than how I look in my clothes.

So … tomorrow morning will be weigh in day (shit) and I will post that and my measurements (since menopause Gumby with a belly). I just want to feel “right” again. I have been feeling off and I have buried way to many friends the past year and a half.

Coming back later to talk about my “Dirty Keto/Atkins” eating today after work.

Later Taters (or Low Gycemic Veggie)!

Kon-Mari …

I was skeptical at first when I saw the show on Netflix … I mean she was saying to fold your clothes into little rectangles that stand up and literally file them in the drawers.

Pheh!

NOTHING I own would fold that way and stand up.  This lady is doll-sized, and she has doll-sized clothes so of course, her method works for her and all people her size.

I was so wrong!

I am still on CLOTHES, er, WAS still on clothes.  The get rid of anything that doesn’t spark joy in you has some merit.  Making your clothes “little” and filing them in the drawers does work if you fold them the way she says to fold them.  I actually have drawers with nothing in them, and I have little rectangular clothes that are standing up and filed. If only I could do that with paper (of course the “Little Lady Who Wants You to Throw Away Half Your Shit” has a method for paper)

Sparking joy?  Well, you just know that you don’t want the item.  I do not thank the clothes for being in my life because indeed some of my clothes were trying to kill me via my waist. 🙂 Those clothes sparked fear and sorrow because I believe they were trying to cut me in two.  This happened gradually, around the time I started to search for and purchase the house I am currently paring down.

So now I have a floor and tomorrow morning will be a joy because I will not be searching for something to wear.  I will continue with her method until my house is where I want it to be.

I have been … still am … sick.  Could be flu, could be a cold, could be pneumonia, could be all in my head, either way, I am currently ill. Going to get some rest just wanted to check in and confirm the “Lady Who is Telling Everyone to Get Rid of Half Their Shit” is really on to something.

🙂

Dirty Keto …

Weight loss! 

Now that is something that I can talk about (and talk and talk and write and write) with a lot of authority because I have been on a damn diet for almost 40 years. That is a long time to reach my ultimate goal weight, I just wish I knew what my goal weight ultimately is.

My very first diet was Weight Watchers or “WW” like Oprah is calling it these days. I hated WW when I first tried it ( tuna out of the can and liver … ugh!) because it didn’t seem to work for me. It STILL doesn’t seem to work for me, but I really believe it is just a mental block on my part. I lose and gain the same damn five pounds over and over again. Irritating!

I was successful with low carb dieting and kept off the weight for almost a decade. I have never been one of those people that need to have food. I tend to forget to eat when I am focused on something, but I do eat a lot of trash foods. Macaroni and cheese, french fries, Ben and Jerry’s, jelly beans (the cheap ones, I’m totally weird) those types of things. I don’t particularly like too much chocolate so I can pass on a candy bar and cake easily. Yeah, so why am I always on a diet? 

Menopause has a lot to do with the quest to lose a little weight.  About five years ago I started menopausing (is that a word?), and I slowly but steadily lost my waist.  I barely had a waist in the past now since I am shaped like a dern apple now I really do not have a waist.  I’m not on my way to a bad shape I have a bad shape.  I am not like all those “curvy” girls out there that have a few extra pounds but they are in the right places that give you a pleasing looking shape. 

I have a shape, it Gumby with a belly.  Not a good look at all. 🙂  

I read someone’s story about weight loss, and she said she started off her weight loss journey by doing “Dirty Keto.”  Getting fast food without the bread/starch/whatever, hot dogs with no bun, lunch meats, you know the stuff most people can afford and pronounce that is low carb with very little cooking.  This type of eating seems to be working for me right now since I barely use my kitchen these days.  I used to be a cooking fool when I was married now all my kitchen gadgets, and pots are sitting there collecting dust.  I guess that is proof I don’t have an addiction to food because I need it to cook.  

Dirty keto dieting.  It’s working right now so I will see how far I can go with this way of eating. 🙂  I do have a Ninja Foodi that I want to try and cook a chicken in tonight so maybe not so dirty keto for dinner. 

I just want a waist again!  I shouldn’t have to sacrifice that because I am turning 50.  🙂 

 

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

It’s my 50th year on this Earth, and I’ve completely burned the heck out.

Yep!

I’m burned out and stressed out.

It’s not just the “quality” of life, but it is also about the “quality” of the TIME you have left in your life. We have a FINITE (I mean that) amount of time on this Earth as soon as we are born the clock starts counting down. My quality of life was excellent because I was working on different side jobs, side hustles, along with my full-time job to supplement my income.  I could purchase whatever I wanted but here is the problem:

I HAD NO TIME to enjoy myself.

SURE… I was able to online shop (couldn’t go to a physical store … was working) until my fingers hurt, but I have stuff sitting in boxes unopened as I type. I think this is how hoarding begins.

I calculated that I was working a 70 to 80 hour work week.   I would wake up for my day job, work all day, rush home then go to my “side hustle” and work until it was time for me to go to bed. I was working mostly 7 days a week.  This went on for about two years.

TWO YEARS!

I literally cannot do this type of routine anymore. I need to find a passive extra income that will not take up any extra time that I should use to focus on myself.  The ideas are flowing, but I just cannot figure out how to start the process. I don’t want to do anything that will get me sued or where I will have to get insurance to protect myself from getting sued.

Food is out of the question even though I like to cook.  Too many people with allergies, too many people who eat a certain way, too many different diet preferences, too big of a risk that someone will get sick.  Things break all the time, clothes can run small or big, so what in the heck can I sell to start with that will not put me in the poor house the first time someone isn’t happy?

Yarn? Crochet and knitting stuff? Embroidery?  Maybe get into selling the diamond paintings? I will come up with something because it is necessary and I literally cannot do almost 80 hours a week for extra income.

I physically and mentally (I’m bipolar and was triggering from the stress. That was a JOY by itself) cannot do this to myself anymore.

In the meantime, I will be writing here on a daily basis.  This is my little dumping ground.  This is the best way to journal without having to find a cute small notebook and an excellent pen. 🙂

Weight loss, being 50 (almost), going through menopause (Dear Lord … the HOT FLASHES), my pugs, my cats, living with my son (well he is living with ME), living in New Orleans, conspiracy theories (I have many that amuse my boyfriend) …

blah, blah, blah.

I think I have enough going on in my head that can at least eke out a paragraph or six.  🙂

Hunny Bunny (His name is Chris, and we both love Pulp Fiction) who is my very gentle giant of a boyfriend (he is 6’4″ … I lie and say I am 5’4″ but I’m actually 5’3″ so he is GIANT to me) calls me the Loud Mouse because that is what I am … LOUD and short. 🙂

This was fun … I think I will be back.

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