Blind As A Bat … A SHRINKING Bat!

It was doctor day for me to check on the corneal graft that I received just about two years ago.  The Good Idea Fairy must have visited me in my sleep and whispered, “Stop putting in the prescribed drops in your eyes! You see perfectly in HD, and you have groovy new glasses!”

Sparkly Winged Heifer with a Forked Tongue

Good Idea Fairy is a fairy that shows up at inappropriate times, usually with the idea lightbulb in hand, giving you bright ideas and is as old as time. Don’t believe me? Think about Adam and Eve’s story that resulted in ditching the fig leaves and being kicked out of Eden wandering the wilderness (probably with keratoconus). You do dumb things, and it always ends with the phrase, “It was a good idea at the time.”  Uttering the words as mentioned earlier gives joy to G.I.F. while you are sitting around looking like Boo Boo the Fool.

All Symmetrical and Shit

I have Keratoconus in both eyes (because that is what it does) with my left eye being worse than the right eye.  The keratoconus eye is not round but oblong (football shaped) and gets progressively worse over the years.  There is a lot of medical words and phrases associated with this disease, but it boils down to:




Well, I can see, but without my glasses, I am Mr. Magoo. After the Acute Corneal Hydrops (thinning of the cornea, sudden lack of vision, blah, blah, blah! My eye looked like a cloudy marble or evil witch eye with a cataract) cleared up my eyesight was 20/800 (no big “E” seeing for me just a black blob). My ophthalmologist abandoned the eye chart and administered the “How Many Fingers” test. Several times he asked very seriously, “How do you drive?” to which I replied with equal seriousness, “By memory.” because that was how I drove :). When I was feeling cute, I would answer, “By sonar or by touch,” but most times, the doctor was not amused, and I would get a strange look. 

Back to Good Idea Fairy.

Bring in the Good Idea Fairy (so many terrible ideas because of her) about a year later. I stop putting in all my many drops, and my cornea graft starts to reject. Ow! Hurts like a bitch and is itchy AF.  No worries for me, there was a new white ring around my rejecting cornea that fascinated many folks.  I had many people looking into my eyes, bringing lots of attention to this Woman of a Certain Age.

Doctor Day Part 2

Why is it necessary to weigh at the eye doctor?  Did my eye suddenly get heavy? I’ve been to the eye doctor’s office many times; there are no weight loss tips offered, just blinding white-hot light being shined into your eye. Then bring on the eye pressure test (Air puff right in the center of the eye!) that feels like they shot a couple of grains of salt in there to make you feel alive or to drown you in your tears.

Okay, yes, I know that isn’t the case, but it sure feels that way.

So why weigh me because I couldn’t see the damn kilos for the majority of the visits.

Today’s visit, I saw the kilos, and after doing quick math (yep, math) and getting it wrong twice, then finally defeated stared at the little teeny chart next to the scale.  For the first time in two years, worrying about graft rejections or blindness setting in was not first on the list; I was happy as a blind clam.


I can see now that I will be out of the 180s by next week.

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