Monthly Archives: October 2014

Just the Facts

…grr.

I have my measurements and weight.

Fact!

I am a circle with arms and legs:

Neck-14.5
Waist-38
Hips- 40.5
Arm- 12
Thigh- 20.5

and…drumroll…..

weight 188.

That is a damn shame on me!

So I have been trying to find out why SUDDENLY I gained weight in just my abdominal area (causing me to be in shape-ROUND).  I havent had measurements like this since I was morbidly obese about 10 years ago.  This all has taken place within the last couple of (2)years.  The culprit that I came up with…MENOPAUSE. Or in my case:

“The Men’O’Pause” I have been having bitchiness spikes lately thus making all the men in my life “pause” before dealing with me.  It could be the hot flashes (I’m a hottie) that I have been dealing with that makes me cranky.  I have all the lovely symptoms:

  • Trouble sleeping (check)
  • Hot flashes (check check check)
  • Mood swings (swoops…they are swoops not swings)
  • UNexplained weight gain (duh…i’m a circle)
  • Trouble losing weight (yeah you can say that or there is gravy in the air)
  • Dating a younger man (oh wait…that makes me a cougar not menopausal…hee!)

So what is a hottie flashing girl like myself gonna do? I cannot keep up this pace…I am twelve pounds from 200. I don’t want to be in that realm of weight again. I’ve been there and hate it. I can’t find anything to wear due to the funny shape that I have inherited from my female ancestors. I also feel like crap and I have sleep apnea (I snore…like a trucker…all “T” no shade)

ATKINS!  I have to low carb again.  Just need to motivate myself to do the low carb thing.  Once you stop it is very hard to start up again.  I love my potatoes, pasta, sugar.  I am finding it harder to get motivated to just start the darn diet. Giving up a my sugar and alcohol is proving to be a bitch. A Queen Komayamaya Biotch.

Sigh…going to read the book again. I have found that no other diet is effective for me. I called Nutrisystem and started the diet plan. They haven’t shipped yet so I can cancel. I know in my heart that it will not work for me.
I’m irritated with myself and my body. I should have gotten the hysterectomy when offered. I would have been done with this by now. Now I have another 5-10 years of slowly becoming a circle.

Crap. Need to make this into pissed off motivation.
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It worked before…that is my pissed off face. Lol…

Later!

Super cute boots…no nails :(

T

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Super cute and lined on the inside!!!  They have a heel but one that I can handle even in the cold.  I needed to make myself feel better since I am rocking no-nail hands.  I got a job with a  club called the Buoy Deck.  I will be the part time cook/bartender.  No nails. No nail art. No nail polish. No fun. Just man hands:

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My inner Drag Queen is dying….just dying I tell you. 🙁
I had to add some glitter or something to them until I go to work there next week.  I understand why…doesn’t mean I agree. One must have a hint ofcolor!

Ha! Winter is coming…

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That is exactly how I feel during the Juneau winter. I still see people running around out the in the rain. There are two things it does here consistantly…rain and snow. Sunshine is sporadic, when you see it you don’t know really what to do with yourself. I am now wearing a coat.

Winter…is coming! That also means the equivalent of 30 Days of Night (Alaskan Vampires!)  is looming upon us.  By November 2nd it will be full dark by 4PM…and we will keep losing sunlight until the winter solstice and then we get sun again. That is hot chocolate and coffee time because I am predicting a “cold-on-purpose-ass” winter.

🙂

Randomness…brain dumping is fun!

Lemme see…I got a step!  One that is like the one in the “Jim”.  Big enough to support my entire body for crunches.

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This is the one I ordered.  Now why did I buy a big ole step?  I actually enjoy doing step workouts.  🙂 Gonna get that butt and legs in shape!

Just found out I finally got approved to work part-time as a cook/bartender.  I am anticipating a good time since I enjoy doing both.  I just need to break out my bartender book.  Maybe I can download one from Amazon…

Anyhoo…I will be resting again tonight. My workout buddy is sick and I have a ton of things to take care of now that I will be working part-time again.

Later!

Group Power….

Group Power is your hour of power! This BARBELL program is a high-energy workout that strengthens all your major muscles using exercises from traditional strength training.  Group Power is a simple, fun and effective way to resistance train.

Yeah.  I confused barbell with dumbbell.  Simple…

This is a Pump workout.  It is also one of the Circles of Hell…I swear it is.  I walked in and almost walked out when I saw the steps, the barbells, the dumbbell, the people.  LOL…yeah I’m shy too.  I get undressed in the shower after workouts when everyone else lets it ALL hang out…and in some cases I mean hang. I just cannot just rip off my clothes and have my 45-year-old boobies out in the air for all to see.  It is no longer community boobie..it is private boobie.  Some things just need to stay covered…like my butt and boobs. I am not Janet Jackson.  I cannot wear a boobie shield for fear that sparks may fly from the shield hitting the ground.   I don’t care how toned they are…which they aren’t right now.  I could trip on something if I let loose all this fabulousness.  I look one way there is a butt hanging around…another way there is a hoo-ha out saying hello…another way there is a boobie out trying to not make eye contact…I’m realistic.  Some things should be covered…

Anyhoo…I digress…lots of butts and boobies and hoo-has there!

One of Circles of Hell…yeah yeah…let’s get back to that.

I’m delirious.  It was the best workout I have done in a long while.  If I continue doing this particular class at least twice a week I am sure I will see results…gravy air be damned! 🙂 I was cracking up because there was an older lady smoking me on one side and a little skinny honey lifting what I swear was more than she weighed. I chose 5 pound weights. When the instructor said…”add more” I contemplated killing her or maybe throwing my 182 pound self at her and make her eat her microphone. Add more. Must be out of her mind! There is no way I was doing skull crushers to literally crush my skull.  I left the workout stinky and sweaty and in pain…good things are happening people!

It was seriously a total body workout…and I am feeling very bit of it right now. I know that if I can’t make the class I will just pull out Les Mills PUMP and kick my own ass in the privacy of my home. Just NEED a step…at least now I have a reason to buy one.

I will never use a machine again! 🙂

“Jim’s” Awesome Abs…

“Jim” has group classes that I can attend!  YAYYYYY!  I am so a group class kind of Gal.  If I am in a group then I try to keep up with the others so I am not sticking out like a sore thumb.  I don’t want to be “One of these things is doing its own things…one of these things is NOT the same…” hate to be that one person that throws everyone off.

I did Awesome Abs today with about 15 minutes of cardio on the treadmill.  Awesome Abs is 30 minutes so I got in approximately 45 minutes of exercise today.

Go Rob!  🙂

I weighed myself today and wanted to fall of the scale this morning.  There must be gravy in the air because I was 181.6 first thing in the morning and after working out I was 184.4 on “Jim’s” scale. I either need to buy a new calibrated scale or there seriously is gravy in Juneau’s air.  I am GAINING weight.  Filth. Flarn. Filth. Guess I am going to Fred Meyer and buy a new one.  Should I get digital or analog??  I don’t know which one is better. I know which one I can see better…digital all the way.  This being legally blind in one is eye is for the birds.  Since I cannot get the needed surgery to correct my left eye I guess I will do digital.  Body fat tracker??  I don’t know if I want that as well.  Gonna check out the reviews online.  A scale is basically like the jeans that supposedly make you look fat…it ain’t the scale nor the jeans that is making you look that way…it is the fat on your ass and the crap you are putting into your mouth.

Which brings me to my diet…I need to adjust that quick fast and in a hurry.  No drinking during the week (that will be a challenge…but doable), berries, vegetables, and proteins (limiting my dairy because I am literally a rat…I love me some cheese) and…duh duh daaaa…healthy fats.  Not gonna slather my foods with lard because that is bad, m’kay?  I happen to like avocado :).  Butter is the bomb and much better for you than margarine.  What exactly is margarine?  Have you ever wondered…yuck.  Congealed vegetable oils.  I guess I will go Paleo-ish.  I still adore Atkins but the body and the metabolism has changed since 7 years ago.  Also the blood pressure is out of control.  I have a carb sensitivity and basically I feel better doing a high protein diet.

The Arbonne Rep told me that she will be starting a 28 day detox on the 27th of this month.  I will do that as well.  The drinking will have to be cut out anyway so doing it now will help.  Don’t want to detox from alcohol while doing that plan.

Sooo…tomorrow will be Group Power over at Jim’s.  That is a cardio/resistance training routine with barbells.  I am so looking forward to doing this class.  I have Les Mills Pump workout at the house.  If the Power workout is awesome I may be able to add Les Mills into the mix.

I am motivated now since I have been feeling better and my weight is now officially out of control.  Like an insane horse galloping towards a burning barn I tell ya….no WAY am I breaking 200.

Later! 🙂

Phew! Amped & Jim

In addition to seeing Jim again I am also doing the Amped workout (Taebo)…and sadly I have to start with the beginner routine.  It is very hard for me to deal with starting from the very beginning but I do remember that I started from Walk Away the Pounds before I became Taebo Queen of 2007.  7 years does make a difference in the way my body feels. Being older it was easier for me to get up in the morning…just very hard to get through the easy ass workout.  15 minutes into this routine I was huffing.  That is no good in my book.  I am glad I cut back on the smoking…I propbably would have passed out. I am looking forward to how I used to feel whenever I exercised…I’m hoping it happens soon.

Below is the Beginner workout (ew)….Jump Start Cardio is done!

Beginner AMPED Rotation:

Week 1:
Monday: Jump Start Cardio
Tueaday: Fat Burn Accelerator
Wednesday: Core Express
Thursday: Rest
Friday: Jump Start Cardio
Saturday: Fat Burn Accelerator
Sunday: Core Express

Week 2:
Monday: Jump Start Cardio
Tuesday: Fat Burn Accelerator
Wednesday: Core Express
Thursday: Rest
Friday: Jump Start Cardio
Saturday: Fat Buirn Accelerator
Sunday: Core Express

Week 3:
Monday: Jump Start Cardio
Tuesday: Rest
Wednesday: Jump Start Cardio
Thursday: Core Express
Friday: Jump Start Cardio
Saturday: Rest
Sunday: Jump Start Cardio

Week 4:
Monday: Jump Start Cardio
Tuesday: Jump Start Cardio
Wednesday: Rest
Thursday: Jump Start Cardio
Friday: Rest
Saturday: Core Express
Sunday Jump Start Cardio

 

“Jim”

Sooooo…seeing Old Jim again.  I was told that I would have to go back or pay the full amount of the membership.  Everything in Juneau costs three times as much as the regular world.  I weighed in paying the 8.00 a month and going at least 3Xs a week OR pay the real  amount (about $60.00 a month) and get fat(ter) as well.  I opted to go back.

My ass is out of shape.  My body is fluffy-square.  No Bueno.  Doing low carb again with the Arbonne 28 day cleanse.  I have to say EVERYTHING:10408948_10153207297449838_606805135347191738_n

I’m supplementing my diet with the bars and the protein shakes.  I cannot give up cheese…so the cleanse is altered.  I feel like it is being effective because I am paying attention to what I am eating (trying to be mindful of gluten as well…the new South Park episode comes to mind).

I have the scale in the new apartment (I moved again…more on that I another post) and terrified to get on it.  I need to get back into shape before I drop dead from heart disease.  My pressure has been out of control these days.

“Jim” has made me realize that I am NOT a spring chicken anymore.  More like an old hen.  No worries…this old hen will throw on the headphones with some new and old Prince and walk/boogie my ass to a healthier me.

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