Back to Work…

Boy did I want to call in sick.  I didn’t feel like waking up at all.  It has been cold around here so all I want to do is sleep. I had an uneventful weekend…didnt do much but sit around and sleep.  That is fun for me these days.  I guess going out and partying has pass me by while I was married.
I have always been afraid to be alone.  I am a social creature and being a Canceo (Cancer/Leo cusp…I have tendencies for both signs) I love to have the ones that I care about close to me.  Family and friends are very important to me.  I just like to have the company.  What kept me in a bad relationship for so long was the fact I didn’t want to be lonely. I also hate to feel like I’m being ignored or used.  Knowing that about myself…I don’t understand why I stayed for so long.  I was reading my past entries…it seems I have been in a constant state of reconciliation.  I even read that I was looking for the good times between me and the husband.  Trying to convince myself that there just had to be some good about our relationship.  Interesting…almost six years later I am still feeling the same way and saying the same things.  Yes…getting away from the whole thing was/is the best thing for me these days.
Still…I get lonely… 🙁 Considering just saying ‘Let’s work it out!’ just so I wont have to be by myself.  I know…I know…dumbest move ever on my part. I alienated so many of my close friends all in the name of making this relationship work.  They did try to tell me what they saw (old outside looking in situation) but I would just stop talking to them.  Break contact all together.  No one knew what I was going through and they could not see what I saw!  That was my mindset…whew!  Glad I took off those rose-colored glasses…now…i dont have the close Girlfriends I used to have.
 It isn’t so bad though…I can sleep and at when I want.  I just find myself having arguments with the cat!
Yea…I’m becoming the crazy cat lady…

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