Sick…

I have been sick for the past two day…I mean really sick. Sore throat, coughing and hacking at night keeping me away, chills, the whole nine yards. I talked to my Momma yesterday and I told her that I was actually considering trying to work out. She told me that I was insane. I would have to agree with her on that one…because I did try to workout and I was wiped out after 10 minutes. In my mind (sometimes) I believe that I will wake up one day big as a house if I skip workouts. I know that this isn’t the case…but I still have lots to work on with my image and seeing myself the way that I look now. I started this journey for real in August…it started as a water fast (something that just happened…martial problems caused me so much stress that I couldn’t hold down anything) and then I started doing the Atkins approach for real and by the book. My exercise was okay…not anything to write home about, I would go to the gym, do walk away the pounds, some floor work, nothing spectacular. One day I was looking through my library of tapes and saw all the Taebo that I owned and decided to do Taebo everyday to see if I could make it a habit. Well it worked…it is a habit that I am finding hard to break. So yes…my crazy ass tried to do a workout last night and I paid for that this morning. I didn’t do anything today…just took my cold medicine and rested. The one thing that I hate about missing a workout is I crave carbs like crazy. I loaded up on the carbs today so I will look at this day as a “free” day that I gave myself. Luckily these types of days are few and far between…sigh. This is just a ramble on my part because I feel terrible that I didn’t exercise but I also know that I have to let my body get better before I start doing the hard aerobics again. The sensible part of me is yelling at me that I will not gain 50 pounds overnight…I know this, but it still scares me to death. I have worked so hard to get to where I am now to blow it because I crave sweets and flour.
Something else has been bothering me as well. I found out (I mean REALLY DISCOVERED) that my husband has been unfaithful for a long time. This epiphany came right after he left for Iraq in August. I guess that is where the water fast came about…I am glad that he wasn’t here when everything came to light because this gave me time to work on myself…to heal…to grow. This has basically been a separation for us and I have used his absence to discover the strength that I have inside of me to deal with anything and to accomplish my goals. He is coming home (and from what I understand really looking forward to coming home) in two weeks for R&R. As the time is drawing near I am finding myself staring at cookies, candy, bread…pretty much everything that I do not eat, now I want to eat great quantities of this poison. I cannot understand why this is happening…the only thing that I can see is his presence is a trigger for me. I am looking forward to him coming home because we have a lot to discuss. I think I have grown enough to know that I will not punch him in the face when I see him…but I think I will blow the whole way of eating if I look at him. I guess when the trigger gets home I will see what I am made of for those two weeks that he is around. Will I start to drink again?? Will I start to eat great quantities of sugar and bread?? Will I exercise?? I just don’t know how strong I am going to be to deal with the one person that I thought I could count on…and he betrayed me. I know that I am different now (physically and mentally) than I was in August…just wondering how strong I am…
I guess I just have to continue to live life moment by moment and take what it has to offer. So far I have been really good at dealing with every shot…I’m quite good at it.
This post was going to be a protected post…but I think I will keep it up. Just shows that life, emotions, bad choices, getting sick…all of that happens whether you are overweight or not. I have the same issues…just dealing with them in a smaller body.
Just took my cough syrup(thank you Kellie…my baby sister/sister in law loves me so) so I will be laying down in a minute.
I really hate when I feel like this…almost fragile. Sigh…

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5 Comments

  1. fatsavage says:

    Robin
    I don’t really know you except through your blog and I don’t know Chris at all. But I do know that all of us, young and old male and female are sometimes fragile. Before I became the Fat Savage I was just plain fat. My wife didn’t care as I had little energy to move away from the house and my girlfriend care as no one else wanted me.
    So when I decided to diet and get in shape I knew it was for me and me alone – although I get a hell of a lot of encourgement from my Daughter and her family.
    Now when my wife or girlfriend pisses me off, instead of doing an eating and drinking binge, I burn out the anger with a six mile power walk or a 1 hr kayak ride. Instead of stress leading to body abuse, it leads to body improvement.
    I yeild that your body is in much better shape than mine even though we both started our efforts in August. However, you now have to tone the mind and disconnect emotions from body abuse. Now when I let go with drinking and eating, it’s for the pleasure in it not out of stress.
    That said its also impossible to do it when your sick.
    Good luck on the next step.

  2. waistloss says:

    Dealing with infidelity from someone you truly care about is one of the hardest things anyone has to do. I’ve been on both ends of it and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I don’t know what you believe spiritually but I will say a prayer for you and I hope you will do the same for yourself.
    And remember that exercise can be a great stress reliever so hurry up and get well so you can Taebo to your heart’s content!!

  3. Robin, I am so sorry to hear this! I know it can be tough. There is not a lot more I can say that my friends FatSavage and waistloss have not already said.
    Exercise is a great stress reliever, so use the pain to your benefit. So, get your walk in, and, like waistloss said above, Taebo, Taebo, Taebo.

  4. Robin says:

    Thanks for the comments guys!! I used Taebo as a form of therapy instead of turning to Prozac. The side effects of the Taebo are much more desired than taking a antidepressant. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers…I will get through this stage just like I was able to get through the others. I am feeling a little better today so it will be Basic Taebo and some floor work. Gonna take it easy today!!

  5. Olivia says:

    Wow Robin. One step at a time my friend. Focus on your health and cold first, thinking about this will stress you more and make it harder to get better. It’s so easy to point out our weaknesses…but when I read your blog all I see are strengths. Maybe rereading some of your posts from the past (when you are better) will help you successfully deal with what is coming?

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