Advanced Darkness…(What happens when the lights go out and you wake up 30 minutes late…)

…so last night I was chatting with someone and suddenly there was darkness.  The first thing I thought was “Shit…this is what I get for talking to people online“. (Yes I was chatting with people online in a chat room…I want to see what the big deal is…i am not doing it again, too creepy.)  When it gets dark where I live…it is DARK.  Advanced darkness where you are afraid to move.  The kids are freaking out, dog is freaking out, cats freaking out, the smoke and carbon monoxide detectors are making a intermittent chirp that started to piss me off after awhile.  Anyway, when this happens it usually doesn’t last that long.  Not this time…the kids come down and tell me “Mom…the lights are out!” It took everything out of me NOT to say…I noticed that.  I tell them to go back to bed to which they respond “IT IS TOOOO DARRRKKK TO SLEEP!” That’s crazy…how can it be too dark to sleep??  So I tell come down and sit with me and Voodoo…they sit for about 30 seconds and then they tell me that they need to investigate outside.  Now just a minute ago they told me that it was too dark in the house to sleep, but they want to go outside where it is darker to investigate the situation??  I called bullshit and sent them to bed.  I went to bed myself since I wasn’t accomplishing anything sitting there.  It was dark and after 10 anyway…
I wake up this morning to someone calling on the phone.  I am not sure, I think it was my husband calling me to ask me if I was awake.  Now I am awake…you just woke me up.  Wanted to tell me his address and that he was sorry about what is going on with us and if I was awake. I am glad that he called because the lights still hadn’t come back on and it was 0530 so I was running behind…I TRY to wake up the teens who told me the night before that it was just too dark to sleep.  They both look at me and tell me the same thing… “The lights are out, can I stay home from school?”  What the hell??  I drag them both out of the bed and tell them that they will go to place with electricity  While they are dragging ass I am trying to get the dog to pee where he is supposed to pee every morning.  Now I am outside without my glasses, I didn’t brush my hair, no bra on, a wife beater t-shirt and some gym shorts and a pair of socks.  The dog pees in the same spot every morning except for this morning when he decided that it would be a good idea to look for another location.  Now I am trying to make out the figure of the blurry dog walking away from me.  I call him and he just keeps going down the street towards the woods.  Since this is NOT my dog I couldn’t let the Bobcats get him so I start after him.  I look a sight…running down the street with no bra, trying to hold my boobs up so I don’t trip on them, no glasses, in socks, yelling at a little pug to “Get his butt back here!” This is at 0600 in the morning so the neighbors had quite a show while they were leaving for work and for formation.  Get the dog back into the house…run into the Boy who asks me what I was doing…”Planting Corn!” I tell him.  I had a little attitude at this point.  The Boy looks at me like I am crazy and walks out for his bus.  I then have to deal with Ms. Attitude…mad because she has to go to school…who tries to jump on the computer at 0630 in the morning to answer an important email.  Um I am sorry, but you are 14 and there is no email that is that important at 0630 in the morning when you have to be on a school bus at 0710.  Period.  I impress this fact upon her…and she had no choice but to agree with me.  I go to take my shower, get out squeaky clean, and I notice the yellow puddle.  THE DAMNED DOG PEED ON MY BEDROOM FLOOR!!  After taking that little fucker out for almost 30 minutes and chasing him braless and in socks…he waits until I am in the shower to go into my room and piss on the floor.  And it was a lot of pee..sigh.
I grab the dog…rub his nose in the pee and do the “NO” spanking thing (like that works).  Get dressed…no time to straighten my hair have to go natural…get to work and I am still on time.  This is what happens in my house when I don’t wake up on time.  Even though I am POWERFULLY PISSED OFF at the Hero…I am glad that he called to apologize.   I would probably still be asleep if it wasn’t for him.    

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4 Comments

  1. Rebecca says:

    You know I am totally picturing this, right? And you might have to come rub my nose in it, because I think I just made a yellow puddle of my own. Just, don’t spank me. That would be really creepy. 🙂

  2. Robin says:

    Glad to make you laugh. The lights came back on at about 0615…so I couldn’t call into work and tell them I couldn’t come in due to looking like I got into a fight with a chicken. Having a dog is getting old…they are just too needy for me. No…I will not rub your nose in anything…that was not done on purpose unlike what Tiko did… 😀

  3. Rebecca says:

    totally not on topic here, but I don’t know which email address you are using and your comments are off on your newer entries.
    I want to talk to you woman.

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