Unpleasant…

…why am I saying unpleasant??  That is what the meeting with the Investigator(s) (he brought another one with him) was…fecking unpleasant.  I would rather have a Root Canal…major surgery…get punched in the jaw…anything rather than deal with that again.  I was so upset that i said Screw it and ate whatever I wanted.  That included:

  • chocolate cake (2 huge slices)
  • ham and Swiss sub (white bread as well)
  • hot fries (the ones made by Tom’s Potato Chip Company)
  • DORITOS
  • French Bread
  • Chinese food
  • Popeye’s Chicken
  • ice cream
  • Charley’s Ultimate Gourmet Fries (cheese, bacon, sour cream, hot sauce)
  • and had the nerve to drink Diet Coke (I remembered that I am supposed to be on a program)

Yes…I have been binging since Wed.  I am feeling like a can o’ shit today.  ON a bright note …even though I had the extreme urge to purge…I did not.  I know that wouldn’t make me feel any better.  During all of this eating I noticed that I wasn’t feeling any better…if anything I was feeling worse.  I don’t think I picked up that much weight but it is amazing to me how easily I can spiral back to the old habits.  My eating poorly is emotional.  At least I recognize that…I have some work to do on my feelings.  I know that the Investigators are only doing their job.  Hey, I asked for this when I asked to get a Secret Clearance.  They are all up in your business…and it doesn’t help that they are asking me about things that were almost 10 years ago.  I had a hard time remembering what I did two days ago.  So it was unpleasant.  But it is over and I am back on my program.
Planning on going to the Gym and then cleaning out the garage,  It is really needed and I want to use that room for lifting weights.  I need to drink some more water and get started…

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2 Comments

  1. Robin says:

    Thanks, Beck…I sometimes get wrapped up on things that in 100 years no one will care. Too much shit going on at once…and with the deployment looming…
    sigh.

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