…why am I saying unpleasant?? That is what the meeting with the Investigator(s) (he brought another one with him) was…fecking unpleasant. I would rather have a Root Canal…major surgery…get punched in the jaw…anything rather than deal with that again. I was so upset that i said Screw it and ate whatever I wanted. That included:
- chocolate cake (2 huge slices)
- ham and Swiss sub (white bread as well)
- hot fries (the ones made by Tom’s Potato Chip Company)
- DORITOS
- French Bread
- Chinese food
- Popeye’s Chicken
- ice cream
- Charley’s Ultimate Gourmet Fries (cheese, bacon, sour cream, hot sauce)
- and had the nerve to drink Diet Coke (I remembered that I am supposed to be on a program)
Yes…I have been binging since Wed. I am feeling like a can o’ shit today. ON a bright note …even though I had the extreme urge to purge…I did not. I know that wouldn’t make me feel any better. During all of this eating I noticed that I wasn’t feeling any better…if anything I was feeling worse. I don’t think I picked up that much weight but it is amazing to me how easily I can spiral back to the old habits. My eating poorly is emotional. At least I recognize that…I have some work to do on my feelings. I know that the Investigators are only doing their job. Hey, I asked for this when I asked to get a Secret Clearance. They are all up in your business…and it doesn’t help that they are asking me about things that were almost 10 years ago. I had a hard time remembering what I did two days ago. So it was unpleasant. But it is over and I am back on my program.
Planning on going to the Gym and then cleaning out the garage, It is really needed and I want to use that room for lifting weights. I need to drink some more water and get started…
Hang in there Rob. And don’t look at this as a failure, but as a new starting point.
Thanks, Beck…I sometimes get wrapped up on things that in 100 years no one will care. Too much shit going on at once…and with the deployment looming…
sigh.