Don't know what to say…

…My husband is leaving next month for a year and I was trying to find ways to make the time go by faster.  Obviously working full-time will make my days fly by.  It feels like I just started working here and it has already been 8 months!!  I can say what I want about the Commissary…the one thing that is isn’t is boring.
Anyway…I have been on the perpetual diet for the whole time that I have worked here.  I have not been as strict with low carb eating everyday, but I have been steady with working out and TRYING to stay away from the bad foods.  I was looking at the Body for Life program and I was thinking out loud about the program.  BFL is 12 weeks.  12 weeks equals 3 months.  I can do the BFL program 4 times and that will make the time apart from the husband go faster.  One of my co-workers looked at me and snapped:

 “YOU SOUND LIKE AN ANOREXIC! THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU…YOU ARE NOT FAT! I WISH YOU WOULD SEE THAT!” 

She then started in on the trying to look good for my husband and not doing it myself.  WHOA WHOA WHOA!!  Hold the fecking phone!  I am trying to lose weight and look good for MYSELF.  I have been cursed with vanity.  165 pounds and 5’4″ (yes I am in the 160’s again)is hardly anorexic…and it makes me feel bad since I am and will always be bulimic (I do not purge anymore, but I know that there is no cure.  It is one day at a time) What is motivating me to lose the weight??  The fact that I can’t stand the clothes that I was wearing.  I looked older than the 37 I am turning.  I was tired all the time. Puffy eyes with black circles thrown in. My face was the size of the Moon. Acne…at my age…I had acne.  My mother has a grocery list of health problems and I am not wanting to deal with having them myself so I am exercising and eating right.  PLUS…if Mom is able to lose weight and be able to lose the oxygen mask and walk the mall without a wheelchair…then it is possible for me to do the same.  Get healthy.  I do not think that I am fat anymore.  I am in 7/8 and 9/10’s.  Vanity sizing or not that is a far cry from the 16/18/20’s I was comfortably fitting into while I was in Germany.  It has taken me about a year-plus to get the extra weight that I was carrying off.  I started Weight Watchers on my birthday last year…was on that for about a month.  Got frustrated and then went low carb.  So if I want to continue to workout and look like the fitness models on the magazines (or pretend that I look that way) then dammit I will…
Anyway…I really do not know if I should say something to that woman.  I wasn’t talking to her in the first place.  I am not sure if it is hurt feelings or being  pissed off.  I am feeling something though…

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2 Comments

  1. lisamechelle says:

    Robin, you shouldn’t worry about what this woman is saying. Do what you need to do, and don’t worry about stupid comments. Diet is determination, hard work, and yes, alot of thinking out loud. She’ll get over it.

  2. Robin says:

    I have gotten better with worrying about what people think or say about me. 10 years ago it would have devastated me. How dare someone think anything about me that is less than perfect?? I look at this woman and I see the frustration that she is feeling. She is going to the Gym and NOT losing anything. I am going to the Gym and eating differently and I am losing inches like crazy. She will not wrap her mind around eating lower carb. She is convinced that I have an eating disorder…because I stay away from bread, flour, sugar. Whatever…
    I guess I will just continue to be fabulous… 😀

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