Heartless Mad

Hey There!! Posting from work again…yep I am so busy. I am actually very busy, but I am at a stand-still until the Boss gets here with the key to her office. So I am brain dumping until she gets here. The Girl is heartless mad at me. Why?? Well, she is 13 years old and hormonal right now. But the biggest reason she is mad is because I made her go to school. I knew that I would get the “I’m sick” act last night. I even told my husband (who popped in on a break from Staff Duty) that The Girl is “sick” and I am expecting the scene from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (when Cameron is in his bed looking like death was upon him) to be enacted; complete with old Negro Spirituals in the background. I wasn’t disappointed. I go to wake her up. She lays there. I can see the Grim Reaper and a couple of vultures hanging out at the foot of her bed. I steel myself for the conversation:

¨ Girl: I’m Sick. (sniff sniff)
¨ Me (feeling her head): You are cool as a cucumber. No fever equals GO TO SCHOOL. Get up and get dressed.
¨ Girl: I’m so sick. My throat hurts and it is making my head and the back of my neck hurt. (sniff sniff)
¨ Me: So WHY are you sniffing if this disease is in your throat? Get up and go to school.
¨ Girl: (hack, hack, cough, cough, sniff, sniff): Ohhhhhh! See I told you my throat was hurting. Can I stay home??

¨ Me: NO. Get dressed. You are not a little kid. I will give you something for your throat and some Motrin for your headache.

At this point The Girl calls looks over at The Grim Reaper and the Vultures and signals them to come closer. The Reaper’s Boom Box is sitting on his lap and he has turned up the volume to “Nobody Knows the Troubles I’ve Seen” to set the mood just right. The Girl is not giving up her campaign to stay home.

¨ Girl: You don’t have to get mad at me because I am sick. I feel like I am dying.
¨ Me: Well, die at school. Maybe you can learn something before you croak. Get your ass out of bed before I get you out of bed! Now!!

¨ Girl (she has dismissed her cast of death, turned off the music, now her eyes are bright): I don’t want any of YOUR medicine. You act like you have all the answers. The medicine won’t make any difference anyway.

¨ Me (now I am pissed. It was amusing for a minute) : IF you don’t take the medicine it doesn’t make any difference if you stay home or not! You are still sick. And by the way you look really healthy to say you were on death’s door 30 seconds ago. I call Bull…get your narrow behind up and out of bed. Put on your uniform and go to school. THE NURSE better NOT call me or I will whup her ass along with yours for wasting my time. END OF DISCUSSION!

¨ Girl: sniff sniff.
¨ Me: That is what the hell I thought.

It is amazing how fast a child can recover from a disease that had her on death’s door. When she left for school she look like the picture of health. She was so mad that she forgot that she was supposed to be acting sick. I want this child to understand that every time she sneezes doesn’t mean that she will get to stay home. If she had all A’s in her subjects then I would be more understanding. I was still 30 minutes late for work messing with the Drama Queen this morning. I hope she doesn’t think that because she is getting real periods, real cramps, and having real PMS she can get away with trying to be the Alpha Female in this house. Um, NO! I am the Top Bitch and what I say goes. I am worried that she picked up my issues that I had with my plumbing. Now if she is asking to stay home for PAIN (like I experience every single month) then that wouldn’t be an issue. A frog in her throat that goes away when she gargles with Listerine?? Nah, she can go to school…

Moving on…

I go to fix my hair this morning and I am finding aluminum foil all over the counter. The Boy Is wrapping his teeth like a baked potato again. Jeez! Why is he doing that?? He hasn’t asked for any lunch money and I am guessing it is because he can’t eat. My children are so special some days. I guess that explains why he is walking around like something stinks all the time. He is trying to show off his foil. I cannot call that bling, I am really close to calling it retarded, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I remember being that age and wanting long sculptured nails. I would make my long nails out of whatever I had handy. One time I took tape pieces, colored them with magic marker, and taped them on the ends of my fingers. I had braces so I would also use the wax that was supposed to make the wires NOT hurt and molded some nails out of them. I have done some things, but never thought to put aluminum foil on my teeth to make it look like it is caps. Sigh.

I have more to say, but I have to get some things done before lunch. I will post another entry during my break. It is becoming harder for me to hold my tongue when people are constantly offering me high carb crap. Now don’t tell me that you didn’t realize that rotini salad is NOT low carb. I would think the pasta would give it away. I have a heaping plate of this stuff sitting on my desk. It is about to get thrown away and someone’s feelings hurt.

I will be back later…


1 Comment

  1. lisamechelle says:

    Robin, although I don’t comment, I read your blog every time I’m on the computer. You’re frigging hilarious. I can’t wait until Brittani is 13, too, she’s a drama queen at 10, imagine a teenager!!! You look great, and keep up what works for you. And if your diet kills you, you’ll look fab in your casket!!! Love you!

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