8 Legged Freaks

Do you remember that horrible B-type movie?? It was set in Arizona (or it pretty much looked like Arizona…Those mountains look familiar) and they were fighting off these GINORMOUS FECKING SPIDERS?? Well one of the cast members made its way to my house. I walked downstairs to see my son off and he looks down and goes “GAH! What the…?? Whoa, whoa whoa!!” Then he starts to backpedal into the wall. I am looking at the kid and I figure it is one of those 14 year old teenager things. I don’t pay him no mind until I round the corner and I go “GAH! SCREAM! Holy shit!! Whoa, whoa, whoa! ” I then turn around and slam into the corner. This spider could have been in one of the Godzilla movies. It was sitting there black, fuzzy, and big as the palm of my hand. When it moved it looked WRONG. I swear I counted 12 legs. The Fearless Spider killer whose heart pumps Kool-Aid ran out of the house saying “Bye Ma! I have to catch my bus!” So I am left alone with this monster. I go through the options of what to use to kill it…A knife (nah it might wrestle the knife from me and stab me), a broom (I had to sweep the house anyway), a gun (no bullets and how would I explain the holes in the walls and floors to the Housing Office), the cat (I could hurl the cat at it but I was afraid that Tequila would get eaten)…As you could see I was in a fix. I decided to get the biggest shoe I could find (my son’s, I am so glad he has clown feet)and I waited until the cat distracted the monster. When I was sure all 1000 of its eyes were on the cat I run screaming with the shoe in my hand like William Wallace and hit it. I pissed off the spider and it turn and gave me the “YOU!” look then the Fucker started to chase me. Now I have the cat bouncing along side of me and the many-legged spider scurrying towards me. I am screaming, the cat is meowing, I see my life flash in front of my eyes, so I get a good position and I beat on the floor until I finally hit the damned thing. The shoe is on top of the spider and I am jumping on the shoe. I think I killed it, but I am now worried about the revenge that is planned from the spider’s family members. This all happens at 0630 in the morning. What a way to wake up…
I got my hair cut yesterday and I am seriously having hair issues. I miss my hair. I cut of 5 inches of hair. It gets better. I went there with anxiety as it was, it took me 5 years to get the length that I had, but I wanted a change. I brought K with me for moral support. I finally get started, she gets the clippers out and starts shaving the back. I hear them call the stylist’s name and she tells me excuse me. She was gone for about 5 minutes and I am sitting there with the backof my head cut. Apparently, the salon was missing 350.00 and guess who was the last one that had the money bag?? My stylist of course. They are investigating the matter while I am sitting there with clips in my head. The police was called and I was sure I was going to be left with half a hair cut. They tell my stylist that she will be written up (while she is dicking around in my hair) so of course that upsets her. She gets upset, tells me to excuse her for a moment, and she leaves out of the salon with the manager screaming at the top of her lungs. Why me?? I now have a powerfully pissed off woman about to cut the rest of my hair. She has to finish this hot mess on my head so I wait. What should have taken an hour to do took 3 1/2 hours. It is a good cut and she is reasonable, but DAMN! I didn’t need the extra drama of theft to mess with my head. I think she cut the back too short but I do like the change. I just miss having my security blanket to pull back. So mow I am different looking…A big change. I needed this because of all the shit in Germany I wanted to have a different look for Arizona. I lost weight and finally I lost the long hair. This will take so getting used to, but like my sister in law told me…It is just hair.
I have to get in a workout…I am not sure if I feel like going to work. Since I saw the monster in the house I really want to do some spring cleaning. I will see what my mood is later…

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2 Comments

  1. Robin, When I was stationd at Ft. Sill Ok. I had to take Summer to the hospital to give birth to our first son. It was the middle of the night. I ran over a turantula with a 3/4 ton pickup. I actyually felt the tire go over it. It was like a miniature speed bump. Those things are huge!
    Summer recently cut her hair short also. Not as short as yours but to short all the same. Every time she gets to starting a length that I like WHACK! she cuts it off.
    CH

  2. Robin says:

    The mess on my floor that was left after I killed the heck out of that thing was horrible. I was gagging while I was mopping. I went to work and they told me next time just put my hand out and it would walk onto my palm and I could bring it outside. Um…NO! You can tell the locals here…they thing tarantulas are like cats. They are as big as a cat, but it also has big teeth (fangs) what if I had the one spider that liked to eat people?? That is just crazy. My hair is short in the back, something that I really need to get used to. My husabnd returned from the Field and he loved it…lucky for me he met me with extreme short hair. I used to get it cut into a fade from the Barber shop. I am hoping that the blazing desert sun and the lack of humidity will work wonders on my head and it will grow out some…
    Still…when that fool told me I should have picked it up with my hand, with a serious face, i could have thrown a pen at him. This clown is afraid of roaches but loves spiders…insane!

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